


Kink-quisition

by coveredinfeels



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Crack, Dragon Age Kink Meme, Multi, Plaidweave, Tevinters have bad kinkmeme etiquette, none of the pairings are for real, other than Cassandra/Romantic Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 06:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3639657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coveredinfeels/pseuds/coveredinfeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cassandra stumbles across a secret literature-exchange society in Skyhold.</p>
<p>She disapproves, of course. Deeply.</p>
<p>(That person who keeps prompting for crossovers with characters out of Varric's novels? Not her.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kink-quisition

**Author's Note:**

> kinkmeme fill. I got the meta all over everything I'm sorry.

Cassandra doesn't usually venture into this part of Skyhold, but she's noticed quite a few people coming and going from a particular door, many of them looking rather furtive. Dorian goes quite often, and a Tevinter mage sneaking around Skyhold for no good reason? That's definitely ringing warning bells.

When she checks, it turns out to be a bare room, one of those not fully repaired yet, which contains a couple of lopsided tables, some ink and paper, and piles and piles of little notes laid out on every available surface. Some just folded over, some lying on top of thicker piles of paper. Some way of passing information?

She picks up one of the thicker piles, several pages loosely bound at one corner. Attached to the top is a note that says _how about some Mage/Templar, but lady Templar for a change_. Underneath it somebody else has written just _Second!_.

The rest of the pages are, she realises quickly, simply a story. A lot like those Varric writes, although not quite so skilled. The characters - a rebel mage and a Templar who both join the Inquisition - fall in love within the first half-page, then spend the rest of the story consummating their love in a number of locations around Skyhold.

The next one she picks up says, _A qunari mercenary seduces a chantry sister_ and is followed by a large number of excitable notes of agreement. The story attached contains a number of spelling errors and the phrase 'meat sword', but when Cassandra flips to the end there are an equally large number of excitable notes of praise for the story. Well, she supposes there's no accounting for taste.

The third just says _SOLAS HAS SEX WITH SPIRITS, HAH_. The attached pages contain a single page story-- at least, she thinks it's a story, it might be a sort of extended metaphor. At the bottom is a note in the same handwriting as before _YER DOING IT WRONG_. The remaining three pages, judging by the handwriting, appear to be the writer of the story and a third party having an extended discussion on the nature of desire demons.

She tries a few of the ones that don't have stories attached yet.

* * *

EVERYONE IS HAPPY  
 _You need to be a little more specific, kid._  
How about "Cullen and Dorian have a lovely romantic picnic"? That's happy.  
 _Stop trying to hijack prompts, Sparkler_

* * *

The Tevinter gets a well-deserved spanking for stealing other people's wine.  
 _How about an AU in which the Imperial Enchanter learns to **share**_?  
Or an AU in which you wear only Plaidweave?  
 _Or an AU in which **you** fall in love with an apostate hobo and let him give you fashion tips?_  
 _Really_ , darling. I'm not saying I wouldn't fuck him, but that's going a step too far.

(CLAIMED: Filling this with Cullen/Dorian)

_Whoever you are, I adore you_.  
You realise that's only going to encourage him to misbehave.

* * *

SERA AND A QUNARI WITH BIG TITTIES FUCK SOME SHIT UP AND THEN GET IT ON, YEAH.

* * *

Cullen slowly strips Dorian naked and worships his body. Please go into lots of detail about what I'm wearing.  
 _Seriously, Sparkler, do you think you could get any less subtle?_

* * *

Cassandra considers all this for a little while. By which she means checks all the stories to see if she can tell which ones are written by Varric. Quite a few, it seems. (Look, they might have secret messages in. You never know.)

Her eyes go to the ink and blank paper on the far table.

It couldn't hurt, right?

* * *

Varric: Seeker, for the last time, you cannot _make_ me fill your prompts.  
Cassandra: You filled that one of Dorian's! And it was _sordid_. I was disgusted.  
Varric: I'm sure you were. Multiple times, perhaps?  
Dorian: You can't possibly tell which are mine, anyway. The whole thing is _anonymous_.  
Varric: ...are you serio-- oh, just forget it.


End file.
